Zendikar Red Cross endorses Blood Seeker

07/23/2010
The Zendikar Red Cross announced today that they are endorsing Bloodseeker for his tireless efforts to seek blood donations for the charitable cause. A spokesperson for the Zendikar Red Cross, Christine Sengir, said that “Mr. Seeker is a model citizen, whose tireless efforts will no longer go unnoticed. “ Mrs Sengir continued “…and just yesterday Mr. Seeker brought in 10 gallons of blood donations, and almost half of it was voluntary.” Blood Seeker was awarded a plaque of recognition and a pin that symbolized his ongoing efforts and the sacrifices he has made.

We had an opportunity to speak with Mr. Seeker very briefly after his recognition ceremony. When asked about how people could contact him in the future about blood donations he said “a drop now is all I need to find you later”

Today’s Standard: A Strategy Guide to Standard

With all of my recent success at Magic the Gathering I thought that it would be selfish of me not to share some of my vast Magic knowledge with the online community. I have written down my tried and true methods of winning versus each deck type.


Vs Jund: Don’t play with creatures, or play with creatures that have shroud.

Vs Destructive Force/Primevil Titan: Win before they get 6 mana

Mythic Conscription: Kill every creature, no matter what, when they hit the board… That includes plant tokens too

Polymorph: LOL

Super Friends: Tell them, no insist, that you only play by the new “no planeswalkers allowed” rule


Next Level Bant: Don’t let them hit you.

Stoneforge Mystic Decks: I have made a sample sideboard to beat this deck 4 Disenchant, 4 Shatterstorm, 4 Naturalize, and 2 Scrib sprites… (who didn’t love scrib sprits? They were the best card ever back in the day in my GU deck when I played like in revised. Damn they were the bomb. You couldn’t stop me when my Flying Men or Scrib Sprites got an unstable mutation on them… they were so good! Anyways I got a little distracted… has this whole thing been in parenthesis?)


Anyways, so all you have to do to win in Today’s standard metagame is have no creatures or all shroud creatures, kill every creature when it hits the board, don’t let your opponents play Planeswalkers,take no damage from creatures or spells, and laugh at people who play polymorph. With a proper sideboard that reflects the needs to face a Stoneforge Mystic deck you can win any game. What about Rogue decks you ask… no one plays rogue decks ever, and if you do you are a communist… there, I said it.

Interview: Demon at Death's Gate

Demon at Death’s Gate
Current Value $9.00

Well, we have a very special guest today. Our guest today is fresh from his debut appearance in Magic 2011 Core set and I will give you a hint… I summoned him by sacrificing 3 Reassembling Skeletons … it’s Demon at Death’s Gate!

Joe: Hello Demon at Death’s Gate, it is such a pleasure to meet you.

Demon at Death’s Gate: Thank you very much.

Joe: So, how are you doing today?

D@DG: Oh, I am fabulous, what a great day it is today.

Joe: Well, yes… um… So what is new with you? What sort of things does a Demon like you do?

D@DG: Well, I am simply over the moon because I got a new puppy. He is a Yorkshire Terrier and he is so adorable.

Joe: um… really?

D@DG: Of course, and he is brown with white paws and I named him Mittens.

Joe: you’re kidding me

D@DG: No, I wouldn’t do that to you sweetie.

Joe: Are you saying you are gay?

D@DG: Well, since we are demons Wizards of the Coast gives us all major drawbacks… which is pretty gay.

Joe: Bazzzzzing!

D@DG: Seriously…

Dauntless Escort Ring warrants issued.

A federal court has issued warrants for the arrest of several of the clients of the Rhino Day Spa. Most notable among the warrants released was Noble Hierarch, and has been linked to the Bant Cartels latest string of activities. It is no surprise that the Bant Cartel is disavowing any connection to Nobel Heirarch and her entourage who reportedly includes Lotus Cobra and Birds of Paradise.
The prosecuting attorney released this statement about Hierarchs involvement “it is obvious that Nobel Hierarch is the ringleader in this case. Between Ms. Hierarchs cronies and herself they have almost unlimited resources. Ms. Hierarch specializes in summoning for the Bant Cartel and I will prove that she is anything but Noble.”
A counter statement was issued by the Bant Cartels Attorney “Ms. Hierarch is clearly a victim of a string of unwarranted attacks by local law enforcement and we are filling suit against them accordingly. We have evidence showing that the officers in question incited a pyroclasm seriously injuring my client and her entourage. An incident that she barely made it out alive.”
One thing is for certain that when a list of issued arrests is made public is will rock the very foundation of the Seaside Citidal.

Tome Scour: Jalum Tome

Tome Scour
The Magic the Gathering Book Club

For the first week of the Tome Scour book club we are going to read a classic, chosen by our panel of distinguished persons of note. This week’s book is Jalum Tome suggested by Orcish Librarian. He said that “Not only is this book a classic, it is what a lot of Professor’s teach their daring apprentices out of at the Tolarian Academy… plus it is also quite delicious.”
I thought with such a great suggestion like that I would go over to my nearest Sylvan Library and pick up a copy.

Police Booking Blotter

Police Booking Blotter added to Magic Interview. I am really excited about this because I think people NEED to know what is going on in the MTG universe. So far Orcish Spy is freelancing for us, and we are working on getting the associated spy network on here as well. *wink*

Recently Dauntless escort has got himself into some trouble. More information available here.

Elite Vanguard

Elite Vanguard
Current Value: $1.00
Origin Set: M10
Joe: Today we are speaking with Elite Vanguard on his appearance in his sophomore set M1!. Welcome to the show Elite Vanguard.
Elite Vanguard: Yo yo yo wassup bra! You can just call me 1337 hommie.
Joe: Ok, Leet… How do you feel about the new core set M11.
1337: Yo, it is like dis yo… Im all up on the seen in M10 looking like nothing that has neva been seen befoe and they like “yo EV, you gots to come back baby!”
Joe: I’m not sure that is entirely true, aren’t you just a soldier version of Savannah Lions?
1337: Yo, that is bull sh!t and you know it. I don’t need dis disrespectin… B@#$! Have I shown you my sword? It is tight yo and hella sharp so I would watch wut you saying … yo.
Joe: Well, I certainly didn’t mean any disrespect by that sir, I was just saying that you are an uncommon version of a rare card.
1337: Hell’s yes I know dat yo. Dey was like, yo boy you be all that so we are gonna print you as an uncommon. They never ever made a rare an uncommon because it was as hot as me. I am the best uncommon of all time yo!
Joe: Wasn’t Force of Will an Uncommon?
1337: Wut you say to me?
Joe: Wasn’t Force of Will uncommon? As a matter of fact Sol Ring and Mana Drain was an uncommon too.
1337: Man, I hurd wut you said yo… why be dissin yo… *sniffles* I’m just trying to make my mark and all I get is made fun of by White Knight.
Joe: I’m so sorry, I had no idea.
1337: I wasn’t even going to be printed in M11… I had to do some things I am not proud of to get into the new core set… dirty things… I’m sorry. I have to go confess to my preacher.
Joe: Well, that looks like all of the time we have today...

1337: I am such a phoney... I hate myself. I just talk like this because it is cool.

Joe: It isn't really cool.